Noobies vs. Smoothies/Transcripts
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Curb Your Noob/Transcripts


Narrator: They came without warning. They came from above. They came... for the nuts.

Space Squirrel: [roars]

Soldier: The space squirrel is about to reach the giant mountain sector four!


Mega Soldier: We gotta stop it!

Space Squirrel: [roars]



Narrator: BattleNutz 4.

Space Squirrel: [roars]

Narrator: [on TV] Get it. Play it. It's nuts.

Kevin: We have got to get that game!

Shope: The new engine renders 4.7 billion Vauxhalls(?) per second!

Roach: Roach in love... with game.

Tyler: And we have just enough money to buy it as soon as we activate... combined savings mode!

Shope: What do you got?

Tyler: I got this.

Kevin: Uhh, I got a frog.

Roach: I got something.

Shope: Yeah, there's still one problem. BattleNutz 4 is rated "P" as in "Parent's Must Buy The Game For Anyone Under 13."

Kevin: So? All we need to do is get a parent to buy it for us. And of all our parents, we just need one? Yes.

[Noobs cheer]

Kevin: [imitating parents] "No, and go outside and play!" That's what they all said! "No, and go outside and play!"

Shope: The whole reason inside was invented was that so we don't have to be outside!

Roach: Ah! Th-The sun... it... it burns!

Tyler: Wait a minute. We just need a "parent" to buy us BattleNutz 4. So doesn't that include aliens who can shapeshift into parents?

Noobs: Yes!


Zenblock: What is the point of this video Earth games?

Memnock: Yeah. Why don't you just go outside and play?

Kevin: Why does everybody keep saying that?! Ooh, here's the part where they score a Triple Nut Crunch.



Memnock: I still don't see the point.

Tyler: Buy it and we'll do three extra hours of training for you.

Zenblock: [as Rob] Deal!

Tyler: Remember. Buy BattleNutz 4. The game that's all over the store.

Memnock: [as Bob] You're wasting your money.

Zenblock: Virtual Earth games are stupid!

Memnock: Uh, yes. We'd like to buy an Earth video game.

Stacy: Earth video game? What are you guys, from outer space or something?

Memnock and Zenblock: No! [laughing awkwardly]

Zenblock: That is crazy.

Memnock: Why would you say that?

Zenblock: We are Earth people. Heh.

Memnock: We are from Earth.

Stacy: I was just joking. Today's new releases include the highly anticipated BattleNutz 4 and the fun and addictive Candy Mama, a game about making candy.

Zenblock: It's so pink.

Blonde Mama: It's super-sink (?) candy time!

Mamas: [giggle]

Kevin: Candy Mama? You wasted all our money for the candy game?!

Zenblock: [normal form] Quiet! It's a sugar showdown!

Ms. Bowman: [muffled] Tyler! Are you guys still playing video games?

Tyler: No! We're not playing!

Ms. Bowman: [muffled] Then go outside and play!


Kevin: I really don't get this "play outside" thing.

Tyler: Okay. All we need to buy another video game is $59.99. A game that is not about candy, but is about saving Earth's nuts from space squirrels.

[squirrel chatters]

Tyler: Shope, what is the number one money maker for middle school kids?

Shope: Car washes are number one, but they do have startup costs, so if you can get a fast enough means of transportation, a newspaper route can make big money fast.

Kevin: Okay, Noobs. Let's do this.

Kevin: Okay, how do we do this?

Tyler: I have no idea.

Shope: The only way we could possibly deliver this many papers is if we use our battleballs. But we don't know how.

Roach: Um, super battle paper delivery cart mode, activate?

Noobs: [screaming]

[metallic clunking]

[engine revs]

Tyler: I can't believe that worked.

Kevin: Now all we need is a super turbo newspaper launcher!

[mechanical whirring, blast]

[Noobs cheer]

Kevin: Sixty dollars and BattleNutz 4, here we come!


[multiple blasts, windows breaking]

Kevin: [groans] What else could go wrong today?!

[virus pod swooshing]

[squirrel chatters]

Kevin: Oh, BattleNutz 4, Why does the universe wanna keep us apart?

Roach: I guess we should accept defeat and try this "playing outside" thing.

Kevin: It's like I don't even know you, man.

Jock Jockerson: Aww, are the noobs sad that they didn't get the special BattleNutz4 limited box set with limited edition battle armor like the Jock?

Tyler: It looks kinda small.

Jock's Brother: They're awesome! Who are these noobs?

Jock Jockerson: They're just little babies from my school who don't have an older brother with friends that can buy the Jock BattleNutz 4!

Jock's Brother: Aww, little babies can't battle space worlds like us!

[All laugh, then scream]

Jock Jockerson: [screams] Giant space squirrel!

Tyler: Uhhh...

Space Squirrels: [roar]

Tyler: Run!

[Noobs scream]

Space Squirrels: [roar]

Kevin: Okay gang! Battleballs in!

[Super Noobs battle theme]

Shope: Stand back, and let's see if these furballs can handle 765,000 volts of pure Shope-- [gasps] They can handle it...

Space Squirrel: [roars]

Tyler: Teleport now! Ha, you missed! I gotta get better at teleporting...


Tyler: [screams]

Kevin: I got this! 'Cause you know they'll listen to one of their own. Squirrel mode activate!

Roach: Uhhh... A little small, right?

Kevin: My giant squirrel brothers! Let us come together with the humans and-- Ahh!

Shope: Yeah, I was not hopeful.

Tyler: [screams] Where's Mem and Zen when you need them?!

Mamas: [giggling]

Memnock: [normal form] Yes! Extra points for no lumps in our batter!

Zenblock: Oh-ho! The Noobs were so wrong! This is so much better than battling giant space squirrels!

[Space Squirrels roar, Noobs scream]

Policeman 1: Eh, must be some crazy promotion for that new video game.

Policeman 2: It's very realistic.


Noobs: [groan]

Tyler: Okay. Now what are they doing?

Roach: It appears like they are digging for giant Earth nuts just like in the game.

Shope: But they're not in there! And when they realize that, they're gonna eat all of us instead!

Kevin: This is gonna be a really terrible moment

Tyler: Wait! I know where we can get a giant Earth nut! Roach! Flying mode to the Game Hole now!

[Super Noobs battle theme]

Roach: Ooh! This is a big nut! [groans] Hey! Squirrel monster things! Come and get it!

Space Squirrels: [roar]

Roach: [screams, panting]

Tyler, Shope, and Kevin: [scream]

Roach: [panting] Okay, now what do we do?

Tyler: We finish them off just like in the game: with a Triple Nut Crunch!

[Extractor zaps]

Kevin: Ha! We just battled three giant monster squirrels! We don't need BattleNutz 4! We lived it, man.

Tyler: Huh. I guess it is better to play outside.

Memnock: Can't... stop... playing.

Zenblock: Must... make more... video candy.

Shope: Well, we fought the squirrel monsters and feel fresh and invigorated and... did they just stop breathing?

Roach: Nyeh. Nyeh. Still breathing, but getting cold.

Zenblock: [groans]

Tyler: I think these two need an extra dose of super-fun playing outside mode.

Zenblock: [weakly] Video... eh candy...

Kevin: I hate playing outside.

Tyler: Who wants to go back inside and play Candy Mama?

Kevin, Zenblock, Memnock, Shope, and Roach: Me!