Parent Teacher Noobs/Transcripts
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Noob Sitters/Transcripts

Tyler: It's a true revolution in platform gaming.

Kevin: A game version that adds more levels, more mayhem...

Shope: And one German word.

[mechanical whirring]

Noobs: Uber Trash Brothers!

Kevin: And I'm gonna trash all you losers! 'Cause I'm the best at the Trash Brothers.

Shope: Please. If I wasted as much time playing games as you, it'd be no contest.

Kevin: Ha! I laugh at you! Haha! I laugh again!

Tyler: Okay. We will settle this on the screen. Because Stacy is about to open, and nobody is in line.

[people chatter]

Kevin: Ah! The line goes all the way around the block and they're gonna sell out!

Tyler: Don't panic. Because we are smart. We each gave the Roach five dollars to pre-order and reserve a copy.

Roach: [whimpering]

Tyler: [sinisterly] What did you do?

Roach: Pre-order the game. Pre-order the game. Pre-order the game. [reading] New Squirtastic Squirt Gum that squirts when you chew it"?!

Tyler: You bought $15 worth of squirt gum?!

Roach: Maybe. And what were you thinking giving me $15 cash?

Shope: He's right.

Tyler: I know he's right!

Kevin: But now we must find a way to get that Uber Smash Brothers game before it sells out, so I say... go battleball! Uh, aren't you gonna shout at me to "put that away" or "we can't use battleballs for personal gain."?

Tyler and Shope: We're thinking.

Zenblock: I just sensed a ripple in the Noob-o-sphere.

Memnock: XR4Ti, current Noob location, now.

XR4Ti: Current location is an entertainment store at the corner of 3rd and Main.

Zenblock: They're at the Game Hole!

Memnock: Where nothing good and only danger happens. Quick! In Bob and Rob forms!

Zenblock: [as Rob] Now, to the Bob-and-Robmobile!

Memnock: [as Bob] Okay, where's the thrust engage and quantum boosters?

Zenblock: Don't look at me, I don't know how to drive the Bob-and-Robmobile.

Shope: Well?

Tyler: I estimate fifty copies left, but seventy-five Uber game lovers still in line.

Roach: I feel bad. Who wants squirt gum?

Kevin: We don't need squirt gum! We need to get to the front of that line!

Tyler: I just wanna go on record in saying that we should never use our battleballs for personal gain, but I'm just saying that. I'm not actually telling you what to do.

Kevin: Then watch as a bear gets loose in Cornbury and everybody in line runs away! [laughs]

[truck horn]

Kevin: [screams]

Roach: That might've been his worst plan ever.

Shope: Which is why you never leave a boy to do a girl's job. Because nothing gets people running from a line for some video game like a... Shopequake!

[ground quakes]

Shope: Oops.

Roach, Shope, and Tyler: [scream]

Roach: You want gum now?

Tyler: We don't want gum!

Kevin: [slurring] Oh, I'm okay. I just got a little bit hit by a-- [screams]

Zenblock: It says "to operate the automobile, put it in "D"." Why would anyone want to D?

Memnock: Maybe we should try "R" for ride.

Zenblock: That's it! Put the Rob-and-Bobmobile in "R"!

[tires squeal]


Memnock: Okay, now let's try "D", for don't put it in "R"

Memnock and Zenblock: [scream]


[car alarm]

Zenblock: "D". It's definitely "D".

[ground quakes]

Shope: So Plan Shopequaking and a bear didn't work, so...

Kevin: It's time we cut in line! And by "we", I mean you.

Shope: Cutting in line is rude.

Tyler: But this is war. And sometimes, you gotta fight for what's right.

Shope: Good luck.

Tyler: Now, I just wait for the right moment when no one is paying attention and... now!

[teleportation zap]

Roach: He made it! Tyler's in line...

Shope: Now the guy sees him...

Kevin: He looks confused...

Roach: Tyler looks nervous... Everyone looks... angry.

[crowd shouting]


Roach: Want some gum now?

Tyler: I don't want gum!

Radio Host: Yes, it looks like a lovely day in Cornbury. The sun is out and no warnings to report.

Zenblock: Which means the Noobs have not gotten into trouble yet and we can still stop any potential disaster.

Memnock: And I got 'em in my sight. Now, how do you stop the Bob-and-Robmobile?

Memnock and Zenblock: [scream]


Memnock: That stopped it.


[truck drives off]

Tyler: If we could only get someone on the inside to get us a game. But who?

[bell dings]

Kevin: Hey, Stacy, who works at the Game Hole and who can totally get us a game! What's up?

Stacy: Hey, gang. And leave me alone with my chili and garlic chips. I'm on a break. [crunch, gulp]

Tyler: We'll leave you alone if you save us a copy of Uber Trash Brothers.

Stacy: No.

Kevin: Why not?!

Stacy: That last game ruined my life. Days and nights when I should've been studying, I instead tried to conquer every level and Gowser, the ultimate trash brother.

Shope: What?! But you've been selling it all day!

Stacy: Look, part of me actually likes you guys, so don't be like me. Haunted by Gowser's might and the fact that he and that game are the reason I go to community college. It's not a game, it's a nightmare.

Kevin: Aww, we're never gonna get that game!

Roach: [chewing] Now do you want some gum?

Kevin: For the last time, we don't want any gum! Wait. Was one of those pieces glowing?

Stacy: [exhales] Whoa. Breath is smelling bad. Huh. Cool squirt gum from the heavens is good.

Noobs: [various exclamations]

Stacy: [retching] [shudder] Okay. [smacks] Weird aftertaste. [growls]

Kevin: Uh, why did Stacy turn into a Gowser-like beast from the game?

Roach: Because of her obsession with the Trash Brothers game, perhaps the virus simply transformed her into her worst nightmare in order to create the most vicious virus-spreading beast.

Shope: Yep. That's it.

Stacy: [roars]

Kid: Look, it's Gowser from the game! What a crazy promotional!


[people scream]

Kid: Run!

Tyler: Okay. The line cleared out.

Roach: Now we just have to clear the virus out of Stacy.

Shope: Then it's time to go Super Noobs!

[short Super Noobs battle theme]

Tyler: It's time to stop...

Stacy: [roars]

Car Salesman: Okay, no just back the cars down slowly.

[tires squeal]

Radio Host: Again, a huge beast is wreaking havoc downtown! Residence are warned to stay away from the area!

Zenblock: I told you the Game Hole was a dangerous place!

Memnock: Well, we'll be there in no time, 'cause it's time for the Rob-and-Bobmobile to... go Earth highway mode!

[horns honking]

Memnock: Sometimes I really think this planet isn't worth saving.

Stacy: [roars]

Kevin: Okay. We have a big problem!

Roach: That giant Stacy/Gowser beast is on the roof of the Game Hole and the police and S.W.A.T. teams will be here any minute to destroy her?

Kevin: Umm, that, and the other workers in the store took off! So we need to get Stacy back to normal in order to buy the game!

Tyler: Then I guess it's time we get in the game.

[teleportation zap]

[video game beep]

Kevin: Okay. It's time to prove I rock at this game, 'cause I go kangaroo mode! [grunting] Oh. I got the jumping part down, I'm just... not... sure how to defeat you. Heheh.

Stacy: [growls]

Kevin: [screams]

Tyler and Shope: [grunt]

Roach: Looks like it's time for me to take her down with a Ricochet Knockout Tag! [grunting]


Kevin: [pants] Figured it out! Time to defeat you with my turbo kangaroo kick!

Roach: [screaming]

Kevin: [screaming]

[teleportation zap]

Tyler: Okay! You have to weaken her, and I can teleport in and extract the virus.

Shope: Ha! That'll show Kevin who plays this game best.

[electricity zap]

Stacy: [screams]

Tyler: She's getting weak! Teleport... now!

[teleportation zaps]

Tyler: Yeah, that figures. [screams]

Shope: I just need one Uber Trash Bros knockout punch!

Kevin and Roach: [screaming]


Shope: Winner!

Video Game Voice-Over: The winner is Shope!

[Extractor zaps]

Kevin: [dizzy] Haha! Well, that was fun. [faints]

Stacy: What happened?

Tyler: We're not sure. It's all foggy, really, and, heh.

Roach: We'd like to buy a copy of Uber Trash Brothers, please.

Stacy: Umm, we're closed for renovations.


Shope: Yep. That figures.

[horn honks]


Memnock: We made it!

Zenblock: We learned how to drive the Bob-and-Robmobile and how to stop!

Shope: Well, we stopped the virus all by ourselves.

Kevin: And I learned that Shope really can play the Trash Brothers as good as me.

Tyler: Well then, let's go get some ice cream to celebrate! To the Rob-and-Bobmobile!



Zenblock: Or... we could walk to the candy store.

Memnock and the Noobs: [various agreements]

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